Idaho Master Thespian's center of chaos

My free art

2006-10-20T16:27:00.000-07:00

Since a few people have told me I write good oringinal poetry that could be my free art project.

Share with me your requests, ideas, wishes and thoughts and we shall see what develops.

In which Brokeback Mountain is Midnight Cowboy

2006-03-29T19:05:00.000-08:00

I have been meaning to post on why Crash deserved best picture this year but after reading my friend Swankette's post on the subject I feel she captured my feelings and views perfectly and any attempt by me would be redundant.

However, I would like to express my thoughts on Brokeback Mountain that I was going to post in my oringinal blog on the subject.

To the people who are upset that Brokeback did not win,I would suggest to you that it has- when it was titled Midnight Cowboy. Rent it again or for the first time and pay special attention to the scene in the stairwell after the party when Dustin Hoffman falls down the stairs and is in Jon Voight's arms. Nothing physical or overtly sexual but in that scene particularly and throughout the movie it is obvious (to me anyway) how in love they are with each other. Also throughout the film ,Hoffman's charecter is homophobic and psychology says homophobic people are latent homosexuals.

I shot a man in Elko- just to watch him die

2006-02-07T19:04:00.000-08:00

OK all you armchair dream analyzers,,,,,,,,,

I had a dream last week in which Johnny Cash was still alive and he and I drove to Elko,NV in a pickup truck and went to the cowboy poetry festival. He even paid my $5 admission. What a guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The thing is, I am not, never have been and probably never will be much of a country music or Johnny Cash fan. I did think I should check the guy out when he made the cover of Rolling Stone when he passed on because I thought if he made the cover of that he might not be all bad.However,I never quite made the leap and have not yet been to Walk The Line even though my fantasy girlfriend IS Reese Witherspoon.

And as much as I think country music sucks, I think I would be bored out of my mind at a cowboy poetry reading . That part might be explained however because I did read an article about it in the local paper. Let the psychoanalysis begin.

Super Bowl prediction

2006-01-31T17:13:00.000-08:00

Pittsburgh by at least 10 points-probably more.

If I were a betting man,that is what my pragmatist side says. Now in a ideal world, I would love to see Seattle win. The reasons are that Seattle is relatively close to Idaho so it is like rooting for the neighborhood team. Also, I have been to Seattle. I am sure Pittsburgh is a nice town and lovely people and God willing I will vist sometime, but I have been to Seattle and know the city is lovely and the people I met were nice, friendly and helpful. I will be cheering Seattle on and will be pleasantly surprised if they win, but I know Pittsburgh is a tough team. However, they have won before. Come on, share the glory!!!!!!!!!!

Joke of the day

2006-01-30T15:52:00.000-08:00

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "Well, Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have a drink named after you."

The grasshopper says "You have a drink named Horace?"

Another example of my weirdness

2006-01-19T15:53:00.000-08:00

The other day, during my get ready for work routine,I noticed I was running low on underarm deodorant and thus resolved to stop by the store after I clocked out for the day.I took the nearly empty container with me to remind me to stop at the store rather than write out a grocery list because I thought I could too easily inadvertently throw out the list.

While at work, a co-worker wanted to borrow a quarter for her lunch from someone. I emptied out the contents of my pocket to find a quarter and so my supervisor noticed the deodorant container. Laughing, she asked me what that was all about. I explained that I might overlook a slip of paper, but something as large and cumbersome as a canister would definitely help me remember. She said that was a good idea but I am still going to wager that the average joe does not do that sort of thing and sticks to paper lists, but so the hell what? It works for me.

The R word

2006-01-18T16:10:00.000-08:00

The other day at work, I heard a co-worker say "My hair is sticking up. I look like a retard."

Whenever I hear that word, I am transported back in time 20 years and more to the elementary school playground , and junior high where the other kids said it to demean me. I understand that my co-workers , when they say it, don't mean to hurt me and make me feel bad,but when they say it I have a negative, personal reaction.

Now, I understand and agree that they can't make me feel bad- only I can do that. In fact, there are times when I have trained myself to ignore the r word. Case in point: I am a South Park fan owning the first three seasons on DVD.When I have heard the word on there, after the initial flash of negativity I remind myself that obviously it is not personal and Trey Parker and Matt Stone go after everybody as equal-opportunity gadflys.

I think it depends on the relationship if I say something at work or wherever I am. If I do not know the person well I don't say anything. If it is a friend, I ask "When you say you are being retarded, what do you mean when you say that?"

"I am being stupid or foolish."

"Why don't you just say that?"

Maybe I am over-reacting which admittedly is a real possibility. I do know I have not bought the Black eyed Peas CD . I love the song when it is called "Let's get it Started." However, I have not bought it because "Let's get r_ is also on it.

What a difference a word makes

2006-01-18T16:04:00.000-08:00

I was over at the parents watching the Golden Globes since poor me doesn't have cable. When Steve Carell won for The Office my mom asked "is he the forty-year virgin?"

Left handers are the only ones in their right mind

2006-01-03T19:31:00.000-08:00

My favorite Christmas present this year was from my mommy.

It was a sweatshirt that reads: EVERYONE IS BORN RIGHT-HANDED. ONLY THE GIFTED OVERCOME IT

Like warm apple pie

2005-11-16T18:51:00.000-08:00

The other day at Mom and Dad's house, the pug dog came into the TV room where I was and gave me a look that reminded me of the look that Eugene Levy gives Jason Biggs in AMERICAN PIE when he walks into the kitchen and discovers Jim with the pie. Interesting . (and no, I wasn't)

Arthritis- it really sucks

2005-11-16T18:30:00.000-08:00

For the past couple of days, I have had my latest bout with stiffness of the joints. This time it was in my left knee, which while annoying was at least still tolerable more or less.At least I could still get around. I have had it in my foot before and that REALLY was almost intolerable .

I think the problem is that I ran track and cross country in high school. Also since I don't drive a car I walk a lot and in the preceding years there have been times where I have tripped or stumbled and banged both my knees up . And Ok, yes, I AM a little overweight so yes, I am not entirely innocent in this scenerio.

If it is already this bad when I am 37, what is it gonna be like when I'm REALLY up there?

How do you deal with well-meaning yet pain in the ass people?

2005-11-15T18:46:00.000-08:00

Ok folks, audience participation time. I need some advice on how to deal with my oldest brother, when he comes out from California, for Thanksgiving.

My brother is a caring, loving good man. He is also a stereotypical Type A, overbearing control freak and his vists stress me. In fact there are numerous times when my parents have gone to vist him and while I could have gotten time off from work to go I chose not to. When he was out last Christmas, he started giving me a lecture and at one point said I was his responsibility. Why? I pay my own rent and phone bill. At one point he came over to my apartment, decided I needed a dresser (Which, admittedly I did and has come in handy.) He drove me to work and I left with the understanding after work, I would call and he would come over and we would build it then.

When I got home, I found his car outside and he and my dad were inside. When I asked them how they got inside my dad said he had had a key. I thought I had gotten all the spares ,but obviously my dad had one made before I got them all. ( Another time my dad came looking for me and he says he looked in my mailbox and so he does things that piss me off too but that is another posting.)

I try to remind myself he did it for me and I needed a dresser and it was a good thing, but still I was livid when I found my door unlocked , ajar and them inside but I didn't say anything and acted calm.

He has also asked me how much money I have in my checking account and one time when I told him it was none of his business,my dad backed me up and said it wasn't , my brother said "Some day it's going to be." Another time when he asked me that and I said it was none of his business, he said "Do you want me to help you or not?"

I could give some other examples ,but I think the idea is clear. Any ideas?

Happy Birthday to me

2005-11-03T18:33:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOOO MEEEEEE,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOOO MEEEEEE,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BUD,
HAPPEEEEE BIRTHDAY TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

(Applause, whistles , cheers and any other signs of affection deemed appropriate,,,, (It was November 1st.)

Where's the birthday cake????????????

2005-10-18T18:24:00.000-07:00

This might be of interest to the Swankpoet household as well,,,,,,,

This week at Sunday school, we started a class looking at the Book of Common Prayer. We looked at page 8 where it said it was ratified on October 16th in the year of our Lord One thousand seven-hundred eighty-nine. Exactly 216 years ago, and it was not planned that way. Freaky- but in a good, charming way.

Movie Review: THE ARISTOCRATS

2005-10-13T18:45:00.000-07:00

WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VERY OBSCENE LANGUAGE AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A guy walks into a talent agent's office. He says" Have I got an act for you!! He brings his whole family into the office where they proceed to undress and he starts fucking his wife. It builds to a climax where the mother is blowing the son, the daughter is being fingered by the father, they are urinating and defecating on each other. The family dog comes in and the son starts blowing the dog,they are eating each other's excrement and there is blood,semen and piss everywhere. After they finally get all done, the agent a little taken aback says" I can't book that!!!!!!!!!! What kind of act is that?!!!!! What do you call yourselves? " The father says " THE ARISTOCRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Funny? I think this joke definitely depends on the skill, timing and the willingness of whoever tells it to go all the way out there. In the new movie THE ARISTOCRATS that I saw last night at the Lamphouse theater here in town (www.lamphousetheatre.com) directed by standup comic Paul Provenza , various comedians who all seem to agree the joke is a hunk of filth, but nevertheless seem to find it hilarious, tell it in their own voices, forms and ways.

God help me, I loved the journey they took me on into depravity!!!!!!!!! In my opinion, the funniest version in this film is the one by George Carlin who elaborates on the bowel movements to great length. I also enjoyed and laughed out loud at Gilbert Gottfried who, I believe, has the distinction of being the first comedian to actually dare tell this on stage at the Friar's roast of Hugh Hefner.

For those who see the film, I think the biggest surprise will be Bob Saget who has a more or less wholesome image from FULL HOUSE and AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS but believe me, he is a perverted, dirty fucker. I got an idea of his other side from DIRTY WORK the 1998 Norm Macdonald movie, that he directed,that I also liked.

Watching this film, I wondered what Lenny Bruce could have done with this bit. I would have liked to have seen that because I am also a big Lenny Bruce fan because I believe one of the purposes of art is to offend and shock people into new paradigms and perceptions although I know a lot of people may disagree with me.

For those of you who may think I will burn in hell for my entertainment choices, at least I will be laughing as I burn.

Question of the day

2005-09-28T19:04:00.000-07:00

Has anyone else noticed that Stewie Griffin on FAMILY GUY sounds just a little like Harvey Korman ? Or am I just REALLY,REALLY weird? Well actually, I am weird regardless,,,

Prayer for those affected by Hurricane Katrina

2005-09-06T18:45:00.000-07:00

Most Merciful,Most compassionate God
Hear our prayers for your people affected by Hurricane Katrina
and let their cries come unto You.

O God, the floods have engulfed the land
The storms made a wasteland of water
How can we sing to you
when so many have died or are missing?

strengthen those who cling to life
Keep their hope and hearts alive;
Revive the weary rescue workers and tired medical teams
Renew the resolve of those who have lost everything.

Quicken all efforts to rush resources and aid
Send our people to help;
Open our hearts to give and give again
that we may be generous bears of healing and help.

God of the universe
Pour out your Sprit of mercy and compassion
In your name we pray. AMEN

The Rev. Wilma Jakobsen, All Saints Episcopal Church, Pasadena, CA

Kevin Smith fans, unite!!!!!!!!!!

2005-09-03T15:46:00.000-07:00

I read in the latest issue of ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY that Kevin Smith has a blog. If you care, it is www.silentbobspeaks.com

I sound like Napoleon Dynamite

2005-08-25T19:31:00.000-07:00

Or is that Napoleon Dynamite sounds like me? I had a friend of mine tell me that at times, my vocal traits remind him of the movie. I have been practicing. GOSH,,,,,,IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Adultolescents

2005-08-24T18:31:00.000-07:00

OK, I have a confession to make. (deep breath, wringing hands) ,,,here goes,,,

I lived with Mom and Dad until I was 34 years old.

Oh, I TRIED to stay positive about it. I tried to remind myself that in Europe and other countries staying with one's parents was not unheard of. But every time I began to feel better, I would watch Jay Leno and one of his punchlines in one of his monolouges was "He still lives in his parent's basement." It drew a big laugh. My bedroom was upstairs but still,,,,

Then I reminded myself that Ray Romano lived at home until he was 29 and he has turned out ok. But then on one episode of "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" Will Smith said "Fine, live at home until your 30's like the other serial killers!!!" Despondecy.

Then in the spring of 2002 I picked up a Newsweek magazine and one of the articles was on something called adultolescents. It said 5 million people between 24 and 34 still lived at home with their parents. I remember silently cheering and thinking "Maybe I am not such a total social freak after all."

I DO have my own apartment now- almost two years. But sometimes I still feel a little freakish that I am not as advanced as some of my friends and still work in fast food. I try to remind myself I do have a job and I was employee of the year once (if I can be immodest for a minute.) I tell myself, Life is not a race. Everyone has their own journey. Sometimes though it is hard to remember that.

Ps- CONGRATULATIONS KAPHINE AND REAL SUPER GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ponderment of the day

2005-08-16T18:27:00.000-07:00

First off, is that a word????

Just what are the dickens, and exactly how cute are they anyway?

News item

2005-08-11T19:12:00.000-07:00

It says in the news that George W. is taking a five-week vacation. My question is:

FROM WHAT???????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????

My personal political feelings and opinions aside, after the Supreme Court outcome, on Florida, he said "The presidency is more than an honor,,,, it is a charge to keep." Fine, keep it. You wanted it, you got it-but obviously you don't really appreciate or honor it. But then on the other hand, what do I know? I could be wrong.

My parent's 50th anniversary oringinal poem

2005-08-09T18:19:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was my parent's 50th. I composed and recited an oringinal poem and if I may be a selfish, egotistical SOB for a minute I got a lot of compliments. I would like to reproduce it here.

50 YEARS AGO

A flame of love was lit
and the Spirit of God smoked
upward from your wedding church altar,
igniting two stars to shine on you.

Those stars in Heaven
twinkle in your eyes
illuminating with God's light
everything and everyone
blessed to interact with you.

Anyone have any critiques, comments, questions?

Deep throat was my neighbor

2005-08-09T18:06:00.000-07:00

When the story broke and became public that W.Mark Felt was Deep Throat of Watergate fame and was born in and graduated high school in Twin Falls I went to the public library and looked through the old phone books.

I found out that when the Felt family lived here they lived only two blocks from where my parent's house now is on the same street. The Felt's quit being listed in 1967, we moved there in 1969.

SO, the title of this blog is the title of an oringinal poem or possibly a screenplay mulling around in my brain. I have only the title, so far. Further bulletins as details warrant.

Ammendment to previous post

2005-08-04T19:48:00.000-07:00

I just re-read my last post and came to the conclusion I may come across as childish to those of you within the sound of my typing. I wanted to clarify that my temper tantrum was more or less private, the bus driver didn't hear me and I usually act more socoially mature than that. On the other hand, as my name tells, I AM a drama king

My Swankpoet wedding saga

2005-08-02T22:49:00.000-07:00

Going to Swankette and TeacherRefPoets's wedding was a grand time.I had a great time and throughly enjoyed myself . I saw Swankette again who I hadn't seen in a LONG time, met TeacherRefPoet who I can honestly claim is one of my favorite people already and made new friends. HOWEVER, it was still not without drama.

I took the bus there and my bus was scheduled to leave at 4:25 Friday morning. I talked to my girlfriend's father to see if he could give me a ride to the depot since I don't drive and he said he would.Luckily,I had a bout with insomnia and was up at 4:00 THURSDAY when he showed up at my apartment. Perhaps I should have seen that as a harbinger of trouble.

Friday morning I was all packed and ready to go. I called over and got the answering machine and waited. 10 minutes later,,,,,20. Finally 4:25 came and went .I resolved to go back to sleep and about 8:30 call my friend Dave and talk over possible alternitives with him.At this point I was actually and some might say strangely calm. About 10 minutes later he called and apoligized
and his wife got on the internet and found that another bus left Twin Falls at 11;50 that night. Again at this point it was tolerable and I rationalized maybe partly my fault, as I did not call to remind him the night before.

That night I began to get a little paranoid and called about 3 times, but he showed up and I got on the bus. Everything went smoothly until Stanfield, OR. My oringinal ticket (the one I bought for 4:25 Friday morning) went straight through to Seattle and did not have any transfers. The 11:50 bus transferred in Stanfield. I showed my ticket to the new bus driver and explained the situation to him. The problem was the oringinal ticket did not have a boarding pass for Stanfield so I had to wait around and the bus driver told me he would be right back and went into the convienence store ,I assume to talk to Greyhound.

This is where the temper tantrum manifested. I began cursing my girlfriend's father,then wondered who I could call who might help me out. How am I going to get to Seattle? Then- HOW THE FUCK AM I GETTING BACK TO IDAHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????!!

FORTUNATELY, after I raised my blood pressure and probably cut 20 years off my life the bus driver came back out and told me to climb aboard .After thanking him profusely,on to Seattle.

We got in Seattle at 1:30 . The wedding was at 5:00 and I had to meet GrigorPDX at 4:oo so he could play the part of my chauffer to the nuptiuls. I hauled ass to the Green Tortoise hostel walking 7 blocks. I showered,shaved and was ready in time when Grigor showed up . Thanks again buddy.

SO, Swankette and TRP, I sincerley hope you appreciate the trouble and human drama SOME OF US GO TO FOR YOU.

I am happy to report the bus trip home was without incident.

Here begins this great adventure

2005-08-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

self- explanatory