How do you deal with well-meaning yet pain in the ass people?
Ok folks, audience participation time. I need some advice on how to deal with my oldest brother, when he comes out from California, for Thanksgiving.
My brother is a caring, loving good man. He is also a stereotypical Type A, overbearing control freak and his vists stress me. In fact there are numerous times when my parents have gone to vist him and while I could have gotten time off from work to go I chose not to. When he was out last Christmas, he started giving me a lecture and at one point said I was his responsibility. Why? I pay my own rent and phone bill. At one point he came over to my apartment, decided I needed a dresser (Which, admittedly I did and has come in handy.) He drove me to work and I left with the understanding after work, I would call and he would come over and we would build it then.
When I got home, I found his car outside and he and my dad were inside. When I asked them how they got inside my dad said he had had a key. I thought I had gotten all the spares ,but obviously my dad had one made before I got them all. ( Another time my dad came looking for me and he says he looked in my mailbox and so he does things that piss me off too but that is another posting.)
I try to remind myself he did it for me and I needed a dresser and it was a good thing, but still I was livid when I found my door unlocked , ajar and them inside but I didn't say anything and acted calm.
He has also asked me how much money I have in my checking account and one time when I told him it was none of his business,my dad backed me up and said it wasn't , my brother said "Some day it's going to be." Another time when he asked me that and I said it was none of his business, he said "Do you want me to help you or not?"
I could give some other examples ,but I think the idea is clear. Any ideas?
My brother is a caring, loving good man. He is also a stereotypical Type A, overbearing control freak and his vists stress me. In fact there are numerous times when my parents have gone to vist him and while I could have gotten time off from work to go I chose not to. When he was out last Christmas, he started giving me a lecture and at one point said I was his responsibility. Why? I pay my own rent and phone bill. At one point he came over to my apartment, decided I needed a dresser (Which, admittedly I did and has come in handy.) He drove me to work and I left with the understanding after work, I would call and he would come over and we would build it then.
When I got home, I found his car outside and he and my dad were inside. When I asked them how they got inside my dad said he had had a key. I thought I had gotten all the spares ,but obviously my dad had one made before I got them all. ( Another time my dad came looking for me and he says he looked in my mailbox and so he does things that piss me off too but that is another posting.)
I try to remind myself he did it for me and I needed a dresser and it was a good thing, but still I was livid when I found my door unlocked , ajar and them inside but I didn't say anything and acted calm.
He has also asked me how much money I have in my checking account and one time when I told him it was none of his business,my dad backed me up and said it wasn't , my brother said "Some day it's going to be." Another time when he asked me that and I said it was none of his business, he said "Do you want me to help you or not?"
I could give some other examples ,but I think the idea is clear. Any ideas?
posted by Bud @ 6:46 PM
4 Comments:
At 8:28 AM,
Swankette said…
Probably not the healthiest or best advice, but I tend to go with the flow, feel morally superior, then gossip with friends about stuff like this later.
Family always has a certain way of getting on your nerves that I think just comes with the package.
At 11:24 AM,
Greg said…
I'm probably not a good person to ask, since I told my meddlesome, emotionally abusive, and eminently infuriating family to get the hell out of my life and leave me alone. :-)
Seriously, though. I consciously chose my own sanity and my wife over my family. They pushed, she wins, they lose.
It's your life. If anyone's family thinks they have some special permission to meddle in your life without invitation or permission just because they're related to you then they need to be told otherwise. I think it behooves you to put your foot down and tell them to stop. Now. They may be just assuming barging into your life and your business without an invitation is all right because you haven't told them it's not all right. Tell them in no uncertain terms what is and is not acceptable. If they love and respect you, they'll listen.
At 11:13 AM,
tommyspoon said…
Two options:
1. Curare and a blowgun.
2. Develop a mantra. Whenever my Sister starts to drive me nuts, I just start repeating a small phrase in my head, over and over again. It usually does the trick.
Hope these help!
At 5:13 PM,
TeacherRefPoet said…
Say what the behavior is, why it bothers you, and that it has to stop.
Then, if it's repeated, say they're being disrespectful by going against your stated wishes--and that that hurts your feelings and impacts your perspective on them.
Barring that, wait ten years. People do have a tendency to grow up.
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